Title: Sparkle for me
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
A/N: Since we are now a Twilight forum I figured that I'd give writing Twilight fanfiction a shot. Of course I'm so used to writing strictly Roswell fanfic... so this was a bit difficult for me. Hopefully I won't offend any Twilight or Roswell fans, this is meant to just be a silly one-part story. It's really brief, and silly.
Summary: Bella tries to solve the mystery that is Edward Cullen...
My name is Bella Swan, and five days ago I almost died.
My parents own the Crashdown Cave Cafe. Even since the crash in the 1947 people have been suspicious of any vampire alien activity. They say these creatures hunt in the night, have sparkly handprints and are drop-dead gorgeous....
Of course we don't really believe in all of that baloney. We just want to profit off of all the crazy tourists that actually do.
So, I was minding my own business, serving a table, when suddenly these two guys got into a fight. One of them pulled out a gun and pulled the trigger.
The bullet flew right towards me! And suddenly Edward Cullen was flying through the air and deflecting the bullet with his rock hard arm muscles. He shoved the bullet away with his arm!
I was clumsy enough to still fall down, breaking a bottle of ketchup in the process.
Edward Cullen-aka [i]major[/i] hottie-knelt down to help me. Now he's kind of a creeper, he sits at my work everyday and stares at me. Sometimes with his family, and sometimes just by himself. He has these brooding eyes that could probably scare off anybody with just one glance. He only orders raw steak... or chicken and nothing else. Plus he always poured tabasco sauce all over it before he eats.
Basically he leans down, spreads some of that ketchup on my uniform, gives me a really weird look. A look that says: "holy crow don't tell anyone I saved you, you hoebag... or else!" and then he just runs off with his brother Emmett.
Now I'm pretty freaking confused! So I'm on a mission now. A mission to find out what Edward Cullen is, and why he won't accept my add on Facebook.
We go to the same school. I mean, we we're lab partners in Biology for goodness sakes! Why won't he just add me dammit?! Pft, stupid rusty Jeep owners!
At school the next day I pulled Edward aside, dragged him into the band room.
"Alright, what are you?" I demanded.
"Bella I think you just hit your head the other day... are you okay?" he replied.
"You-you pushed the bullet out of the way! I know what I saw!" I growled in response.
"You don't know anything!" Edward spat, shaking his head. He stared at me with that weird look of his.
"I'm not letting this go." Bella replied stiffly, her arms crossed.
"Well... fine then." he replied.
I paused a beat before asking again.
"Will you tell me now?"
"Pretty pretty please?"
"Not a chance."
"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"
"How about now?"
I started to leave but then spun around as quickly as possible in order to catch him off guard "Now?"
"NO!" he roared, baring a vicious set of fangs at her.
"Fine!" I pouted, sticking my tongue out at him before running off in tears. I'll show him!
"Edward, you're an idiot. I can't believe what you've done!" Emmett groaned.
Alice nodded. "Yeah, you're supposed to be smart about these sort of things. What gives?"
"I know, I know. I'm sorry guys... I wasn't thinking with my head." I sighed.
"I'll say." Emmett snapped back. "I know she smells good and all but seriously man, you've gotta keep it together!"
"I wasn't talking about my nose..." I replied with a wink.
Alice put her hands to her head and moaned. "Oooh I'm getting something!"
"What, what is it?" I asked worriedly, watching my sister concentrate.
"Oh! Ooooh.... Oh! Ooohhh" she continued. "I see... a hatchling. Breaking free from the pod... it... it's Bella! She's becoming one of us. She's... she's... whoa Edward, not the pillows! Don't bite th-ahhh!" Alice snapped out of her vision and shook her head.
"Edward, she's going to become one of us."
I shook my head quickly. "No! No she can't... she won't! I won't let her become like me! Not a sparkly, cold demon with eleven toes!"
"It wouldn't be so bad Edward... besides I saw some other stuff in your future." Alice replied, wagging her eyebrows suggestively.
Before I could try and appreciate what she was telling me Jasper and Rosalie came barging in, angry as well.
Well Rosalie was angry as least.
Jasper... just looked the same as always, disturbed, and well a little bit constipated.
"Edward!" Rosalie shouted. "Why are you such a brat? People are going to find out about us! Then the killings will begin and I won't stop this time Edward, I won't stop!"
"Geez, calm down we can trust her!" I griped, "Besides, no girl can say no to Edward Cullen...."
I decided to go to the nearby Indian reservation. My old friend Jacob lives there, he might have some answers.
When I got there Jacob was meditating.
"Jake! Hey I need to talk to you!" I shouted, causing him to stop and smile at me.
"Bells! How are you doing?" he came and greeted me with a very friendly hug. And I mean very friendly...
I smacked his hand away from my butt.
"Ooh Buddha that hurt!" he moaned, clutching at his hand.
I rolled my eyes. "Listen Jake, have you been online much lately?"
"Um yeah why?"
"Have you added the new guy, Edward Cullen, as your facebook friend?"
"Oh, we don't friend the Cullen family." Jacob's friend Sam said suddenly, from the other side of the yard.
I gave Jacob a questioning look to which he nodded for me to follow him.
We started to walk along the beach.
"Listen, all I know is that the Cullens smell like gym socks. I mean really, they smell horrible! And that my family seems to think that they're murderous, evil, really old, bloodsucking aliens that crashed here in 1947 to take over the planet with their dazzling talents..." Jacob shrugged.
I laughed. "Huh, so they stink really bad?"
He nodded "Yeah, I don't think they have a working shower."
"Oh, that explains a lot." I nodded.
"So... ever ride a motorcycle?"
I finally confronted him.
"I was researching all night long." I started off telling him.
"I know." he replied.
"I mean... uh... I knew you wouldn't uh, give up." he said. "I wasn't stalking you or anything..."
"Oh, right. Of course I didn't give up." I retorted. "And now, I know what you are." I took a deep breath and stepped closer to him.
"Are you sure?"
"Super duper, really sure?"
"Well duh! You're a wizard!" I replied confidently, a smug smile on my face.
He burst out laughing. "No you dumbass! I'm a valien!"
I frowned. ".... a what?! What the heck is a valien?!"
"A vampire alien... duh." He replied, rolling his eyes.
"Right, I knew that."
"You so didn't."
"Did too!" I argued. "And prove it! Prove that you're a valien!"
He sighed. "Okay fine... but don't say I didn't warn you. I'm a monster Bella. We're not the good guys... I really want to suck your blood. I want to eat your brains and gain your knowledge for my home planet!"
"Pft. Whatever Edward. You know I don't care about those kinds of things! You're a hottie and that's all I care about!" I reassured him. "Now show me some proof!"
"Okay, you might wanna put some sunglasses on though, this is pretty intense." he warned.
I shrugged then slipped on a pair of sunglasses.
He ripped his shirt open much to my pleasure. "Oh my!" I exclaimed, staring at his rock hard 8-pack of abs. "Incredible! You [i]are[/i] a valien!"
"Um, hang on... let me step into the sunlight." he said before moving out from the shady tree.
Suddenly his skin was aglow with sparkles! Bright, crystal sparkles covered his skin in the sunlight.
And then I fainted.
About three things I was sure of...
First, Edward was a vampire alien-a valien.
Second, there was a part of him-and I didn't know how dominant that part might be-that thirsted for my blood.
And third, he looked a lot like a sparkly version of Jason Behr...
(I never did find out why he wouldn't add me on facebook though.)
Happy April Fool's Day! :)